yesterday was not a good day.
i had completely lost control and let my emotions get the better of me. work stress was never an issue for me. i’d like to think i always find a way to keep my wits about me, step outside of myself for a little bit, and remind myself that at the end of the day, this is just a job, a means to enjoy my life outside of this 8-to-4 routine. sure, i have had shouting matches with previous bosses (office politics is a different story). but stressing out over actual day-to-day production was never an issue, and i find that breathing deeply and a bottle of water helps heaps whenever i’m at the verge of screaming (or punching somebody in the face). except yesterday, for some reason, i could not hold it in.
maybe it was because i’ve never had to rely on anybody else to get the job done right. maybe it was because i have done everything to keep everything in order, and it is just incredibly frustrating how i have no control over somebody else constantly screwing up. maybe it was because a year and a half is a long time to be frequently spoon feeding grown-ups (my patience for idiots can only go so far). maybe i was just due a meltdown. maybe because they caught me at a really bad time (monday mornings are NEVER a walk in the park). maybe it was because i just really hate getting pushed to the brink of losing my cool. or maybe it’s because i hate being so mean. and maybe it was because i hate it even more that somebody had teased me about how mean i had been. heck, maybe it was even because it was nearing “the time of the month”. whatever it was, it was not pretty.
i need to keep reminding myself that work is just work. when 4:00pm rolls around, i still have all my limbs attached, i can walk out with my dignity intact, and i can come home to a relatively cozy apartment and binge on as much literature as i want. at the end of the day, i guess it’s not so bad.
new mantra: breathe in. 1… 2… 3… breathe out. take a swig of water.
now i have to remember to keep my shelves fully stocked with bottles of water at all times.
